SNL’s Trump Gives Easter Message: Stock Market Killed, Resurrected Like Jesus

Saturday Night Live‘s Donald Trump, ahead of next week’s Easter holiday, compared his handling of the economy to the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection.

Barging into a scene from the Bible, Trump (James Austin Johnson) began with the self-aware acknowledgment that he–once again–is comparing himself to Jesus.

“You know, many people are even calling me the messiah because of the mess-i-ah made out of the economy,” he continued, before explaining his flip-flops on his math-challenged tariff policy. “My beautiful tariffs, so beautiful. They were working so well that I had to stop them.”

“The prime minister of Canada, big guy, tears in his eyes, he called me, and he said, ‘Sir, if you do this, you will upend the global economy, tank the stocks and bond markets, and unite your allies against you.’ And I said, ‘Let me cook!'” he recalled. “Then I burned dinner badly. So we had to stop. Now everything is back exactly how it was–minus a few trillion dollars.”

“A historic transfer of wealth from the middle class to my buddies. Oh well,” he went on. “It’s true, the stock market did a Jesus. It died. Then on the third day, it was risen. Then on the fourth day, it died again–possibly never to return, just like Jesus.”

Trump then joked about all the value Americans’ 401(k)s have lost.

“‘Jesus Christ’ is a name we’ve been saying a lot lately. We’re saying it a lot. We look at our 401(k)–‘Jesus Christ, where did it all go?'” he said. “I don’t know, but we’re going to fix that. Or not. We’ll see, should be interesting.”

As for the holiday itself, Trump riffed that he loves it because “it’s the day where the most homophobic people try to dress as gay as possible.”

“We are looking forward to Easter mass. Easter mass is always packed. It’s sad. Some people only go to church on Christmas and Easter,” he added. “Not me. I don’t go on those days either.”

He wrapped up by insisting even though the dollar “has died and gone to money heaven,” he’s actually playing “four-dimensional chess.”